


Maybe This Time

by verger_de_pommiers



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Brooklyn Boys, E.M Forster, M/M, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, fisticuffs steve, sad talk about books
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-02
Updated: 2020-02-02
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:34:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22527919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/verger_de_pommiers/pseuds/verger_de_pommiers
Summary: A world where E.M Forster's Maurice comes out in 1930's Brooklyn.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	Maybe This Time

Bruester had published it and put it in his bookshop, and he was in big trouble. No one knew how many copies had been sold, but everyone seemed to know everything about the book. Sordid, Outrageous, Ungodly were just some of the words being thrown around Brooklyn. And _Criminal_. That was the one that got everyone talking. Bucky had gone into Bruester’s, eyes shifting through the stacks, picking up random books and feigning interest. The first time he had found it, he didn’t dare touch it. The second time, he picked it out with shaking fingers, back to the window and too nervous to look at the cover. He gasped when he read the epigraph: _Dedicated to a happier year_. He quickly closed the book and shoved it back in its shelf, then went off back to work, forgetting he still had ten minutes break to go and had not touched his jam sandwich. 

The air that summer was thick with heat and soaked into the clothes and skin and hair of Brooklynites like butter on toast. Bucky had been down at the docks all day. His skin glistened with sweat and his usually styled brown hair was out of place and sticking to his forehead. He caught more than a few girlish glances on his way home and smiled back, jolly from a hard days work and dreaming of lying on the balcony with a water-soaked cloth on his face. He hoped Steve was alright: they had thrown all the windows open and Bucky had left Steve with orders to keep drinking water no matter if he was thirsty or not, but Steve could get carried away in his drawings and forget to take care of himself. The railing was burning hot when he ascended the stairs, but when the doors opened he felt a rush of cool air; the stairwell was bathed in shadow and Bucky sighed with relief. When he reached the top of the stairs, he saw that the front door of their apartment was open a tad and momentarily panicked until he remembered that they had been leaving it open during the day for the air. The bedroom door was open too. Steve was sprawled out on Bucky’s bed beneath the open window, reading. He hadn’t noticed Bucky come in.

‘Hey,’ Bucky said. Steve gasped and snapped the book closed before shoving it between his waist and arm. Puzzled, Bucky asked, ‘what you reading?’

‘Nothin,’ Steve said. His eyes were very wide.

Bucky chuckled lightly. ‘Come on, what is it?’ 

When Steve didn’t move or speak, just continued to stare, pale-faced like he’d been slapped, Bucky marched over and grabbed the book. Steve tugged at it.

‘Buck s-stop jeez,’ Steve grunted. He couldn’t hold onto it and Bucky began to walk away with it in his hands but before he could so much as glance at the cover, Steve had hurled himself out of the bed. They both went flying to the floor as he grappled at Bucky’s legs and hefted himself upwards, grabbing the book and making a run for it. Bucky laughed hysterically as he got to his feet and ran after him. Steve screamed bloody murder as Bucky grabbed him round the waist and picked him up, hauling him around behind his back and ripping the book from his hands. He ran through the door, Steve hot on his heels and cursing him six ways to Sunday. He reached the lav and almost fell flat on his knees with momentum as he staggered inside, shoving at Steve’s bony shoulders and slamming the door on him. His cheeks hurt from grinning so much and he was breathing hard.

‘Bucky you fuckin son of a whore fuckin bastard fucking shit fuck,’ Steve was hurling at him and slamming the door with his fists. But the sound faded away in Bucky’s ears as he stared down at the name of the book. He flipped to the epigraph: _Dedicated to a happier year_.

When he opened the door, the hallway was empty. Slowly, he made his way to the door of the apartment. Inside, Steve was pacing, hands in his hair. When he heard Bucky enter he whipped round. His face looked like a summer storm.

‘Well,’ he yelled, shaky. ‘What do you have to say for yourself.’

‘Why,’ Bucky heard himself say. ‘Why did you feel you had to hide this from me?’

Steve stared, frozen. Then he walked into the bedroom and slammed the door shut.

Bucky sat at the table by himself. The smell of stew clung to the air. He mopped his leftovers up with a slice of bread, eyeing the pot that still sat on the stove. Steve had not come out for dinner. Bucky sighed, his breath heating up the hand that his chin was resting on. He squeezed his eyes shut. His hands were shaking. The chair scraped against the floor as he got up.

‘Steve?’ His knuckles rapped against the door before he lowered his hand and turned the doorknob. Steve was still lying on Bucky’s bed, one bare foot sticking out the window. It looked pale white in the night, his delicate ankle-bone grazed by a gossamer shadow. 

Steve didn’t look at him, just kept on reading with a defiant jut of his bottom lip. Bucky went over to him. For a moment, he stood before him, unsure if he was welcome so close. Then he lowered himself beside him, head resting against the pillow.

‘Will you-,’ he paused, out of breath. ‘How…’

‘What?’ Steve snapped, but it was quiet. 

‘How far have you got?’

‘Chapter Three.’

Bucky nodded.

‘So will you read it to me?’ he said.

They were very quiet, so close their sides were pressed together.

‘Okay,’ Steve whispered, and flipped to the beginning. ‘ _Once a term the whole school went for a walk_ ,’ he read. Outside, their neighbours were laying out mattresses and blankets on their balconies, too hot to sleep. Moths flitted about as the stars appeared.

Steve’s voice was steady and calm, but Bucky could see his fingers fluttering over the pages. Bucky’s heart was beating fast. He kicked his socks off and shuffled further down, head pressed against Steve’s shoulder. When Steve reached Chapter Four, Bucky asked if he wanted to swap for a while. Steve nodded and handed the book over. They carried on in this way, swapping back and forth. It was Steve who was reading when Durham said the words: ‘ _I love you_.’ 

Bucky gasped. Steve stopped.

‘Keep going!’ Bucky said.

‘ _What rot_ ,’ Steve continued. 

‘Goddamit,’ Bucky said.

By the time they had made it to the end of Part One they were buzzing out of their skin. Bucky had a hand on his forehead.

‘Well thank God for that.’

Steve was breathing hard. Bucky turned his head, meeting Steve’s eyes. The light from the candle they had lit flickered across the stormy blue of his irises. 

‘We should go to sleep,’ Steve said. 

Bucky swallowed. ‘Okay,’ he said. He leaned over Steve, feeling Steve’s breath against his chest as he blew the candle out before lying back down. He did not get up to cross the room and lie in his own bed. 

The dark and the silence settled. The only sound was the flutter of Steve’s breathing. 

‘I know why you wanted to hide it from me,’ Bucky said. ‘I woulda done the same.’

Silence still. Steve shifted and the hairs on his arm grazed Bucky’s skin. Bucky felt he knew what it must be like for Steve to be sick and addle-brained with fever. He was hot all over, but not from the summer. 

‘I went into Bruesters twice and I couldn’t get the courage to buy it. Not even to read the first page.’ He didn’t know where all this honesty was coming from. Steve was the brave one, not him.

Steve shuffled around, getting comfortable. He sighed.

‘It’s not…I didn’t know if you’d…’

‘I know.’

‘This isn’t the happier year.’

A weight dropped in Bucky’s stomach like a stone falling into a river. 

‘You’re right,’ he said. 

Together they stared into the darkness.


End file.
